Rant — December 14, 2016

Rant

“You’re a child you will do as I say.”

Hang on a minuet I wasn’t a child when you were pestering me to get a job or revise for exams, I wasn’t a child when I needed to look after my brother while you were at work, I wasn’t a child when I had to open a bank account or when I had to pay for my own things.

Being a child doesn’t stop and start when you please, I know I am not a child I know I have my responsibilities but, last time I checked I was only a small anxious, self-conscious 16-year-old. Don’t forget that you are a parent and you still have the responsibility to look after me and provide for me. Responsibility doesn’t stop and start when you want it to. When I have panic attacks, it is not because I’m over reacting or making myself stressed, it is something I cannot control they come and go as they please and I try my best not to have them and to keep them suppressed but, how can I with your constant arguing. I am and will never be good enough I am always doing something wrong all I can do is apologise but how can I when every time I speak what I say is wrong. You wonder why I’m so shy with you but my friends say I’m chatty, it’s because I’m scared to say the wrong thing, I’m scared to disappoint you. All I want is for you to be proud of me but how can I when I don’t know how to make you proud. One slip up and I’m back at the bottom.
Work hard, revise and do as you say all year but one bad grade on a test that doesn’t mean anything and I’m back to being a disappointment. I broke my phone and I’m a money waster all I’m good for is spend your money.

 

This is just a rant I had to type up when I was having a panic attack thought I would share it with you guys. I find it helps to get all my thought down in writing, not to sure why but I you suffer from panic attacks then try it out.

Enjoy life and make the most of all the other stuff!

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Four minutes — December 7, 2016

Four minutes

Sunday 12:36 PM
I’m sorry. I love you. x
Read 12:40

Dear Lisa,

The things you can do in four minutes:
• Eat food
• Sing a song
• Go for a run
• Drink a glass of water
• Send a text
• Clean up
• Sleep
If only I were there for you then we could be having our usual Monday evening coffee. But no, I am sat alone at home wondering where it went wrong, listening to your favourite song on repeat and eating ice-cream out of the tub (the way we used to when we cried over Sam or Dean dying in Supernatural even though we knew that there was a 99.9% chance they would come back).
I spent those four minutes tying my shoelaces, putting on my coat and running to yours as fast I could. You spent them four minutes probably wondering where I was, thinking you weren’t good enough and ….
killing yourself.
I don’t think if by putting this letter underground with your rotting body you will be able to read it but just in case you can I want you to know I love you and you have nothing to be sorry for, if anyone should be sorry it is me.

Miss you always,
love from your best friend x

Hope you enjoyed my short story and my apologies for disappearing for ages I have been a very busy bee. If you think you have a good picture to go with this post or a logo for me please send it to lifetalksandotherstuff@hotmail.com, thank you.
Enjoy life and make the most of all the other stuff!

Daisies — July 14, 2016

Daisies

 

“Pull!” If she pulls anymore, my arm is going to fall off.
“Pull!”
“Pu….”
“STOP!” before she could stop I was flat on my back, lay in a brown, thick, bath of mud. She on the other hand, was collapsed in a heap on the ground holding the sleeve off my raincoat, waving it around in the air, as she laughed so loud I think she woke up people in Australia.
After many minuets of getting up, falling back down and laughing until we cried, we walked through the endless woods. Every now and again you could see flickers of sun creeping out from behind the trees that loomed above us.
She spontaneously started picking daisy’s.
“what are you doing?” I said as she rummaged through the grass.
“Don’t just gawp at me, help” so, I crouch down and began picking daisies, I have no Idea why but, why not? We continue picking daisies until we couldn’t carry anymore. The pockets of my illuminous yellow raincoat overflowed with little flowers; I watched her dashing around cradling the daisies in her skirt. Her chocolate brown hair trailed behind her as she lightly jogged towards me her curls bouncing around her head.
“so now what?” I said when she came to a stop, she looks at me like I’m a complete idiot, the sun glinting in her big, brown, mesmerising eyes. I follow her to a bench that has partly fallen apart but somehow can still hold both of us without collapsing.
We sit for hours threading daises together.
As she finishes her last chain, she looks up at me and flashes me a grin that stretches right across her face, from ear to ear.
I could not be happier.

I hope you enjoyed my little short story. I will be posting more of these throughout the year, please tell me what you think.

Enjoy life and make the most of all the other stuff!

P.S: Feel free to use this but I would like to be given credit if it is used. This also applies for any more stories I post.

Thanks!

 

Camping — June 9, 2016

Camping

Camping, is my favourite place to be; a place engulfed with fresh air, surrounded by endless nature and a sense of safety.
Walking along the pier, watching the sun graciously fall and the moon elegantly rise.
Bliss!
There is nothing I love more than being in in the countryside and by the sea with my family, it is the one place where I feel as if nothing can go wrong. From the age of 14 I have suffered with panic attacks, I don’t like to use the word suffered but how else do you describe having panic attacks it’s like a disease I cannot get rid of; it follows me around everywhere I go silently lurking in the background and when you don’t expect it, it springs on you and slowly drains you of your energy like a tiger attacking its pray. It is not something I like to talk about as I find it embarrassing because when people ask why I have them I have to tell them I don’t know (no one understands this and they think I am hiding something but most of the time I actually don’t know why It’s happening, it just does).To others it may look like I have it all under control as if it is a wild animal I have tamed, but I can feel the pressure build up in my stomach until I burst but I can’t show people that because then everyone asks me if I’m ok and brings me drinks; I know there trying to be nice but it just makes it worse. Some people think I am overreacting to get attention but trust me that is the last thing I want.
The only place I don’t feel the pressure and I almost become oblivious to my panic Is when we go camping.
Imagine this; comforted by the warm hug of the sun wrapping its arms around you, salty sea water smiles as it waves by, the welcoming smell of fresh fish and chips, crunchy sweet rock dancing on my taste buds and the delicate sound of laughter filling the air. All this, compact neatly into one little place.
I know, it’s almost too good to be true!
I am not suggesting that everything is perfect; there is still the constant worry that an overhead seagull may decide to do its business on your head or that the ice lolly stain won’t come out of your new white top.
It doesn’t have to be perfect; if it was it wouldn’t be real.
Where is your favourite place to be? Let me know in the comments and if you have panic attacks or anxiety don’t be scared face it head on.
Enjoy life and all the other stuff!

The journey of a book — June 2, 2016

The journey of a book

A book is like a journal, written by a person from an alternative universe.
Buying a book is like being given access to this universe. It is so simple, all you have to do is merely hand over some money and you have someone else’s ideas, inspirations… someone else’s universe that they have taken maybe years perfecting on paper and it’s just handed over to you like it’s nothing. Buying a book is so simple; I have this feeling that it should take more of a process. For many people it is just words on a page; to someone else this is their hard work, their creation and its should take more than an exchange of money to possess it.
I know it sounds silly but I feel like people should have to take an oath to care for: the chapters, the words, the different fonts, italics, bold, full sentences in capitals….
The little universe inside.
Then there is the start, curled up in the corner of my bed like a house cat, surrounded by a barricade of cosy cushions, holding in my hands the start of an adventure!
Knock, knock on the front of the hardback waiting to be let in; I pause as if I am waiting for an invitation. The smooth feel as I trace the path of the title with my index finger. I rip open the book to middle, closing my eyes so I don’t see what’s inside (no spoilers!), I dig my face in the pages and inhale as hard as I can and then slam it closed. There is no way to describe the smell, it is the sort of smell you describe other smells with.
Delicately, I open to the first page and begin to read, I cling onto every word so it doesn’t drift away. Before I know it I have finished the first chapter. It’s not just the first chapter though it is the begging of my journey through the little universe that is waiting to be discovered.
After many hours of reading, I am now at the middle of the book. Half way through the journey and I already feel like I know the characters like family, anticipating the end but also not wanting to finish. I open to the page held by an empty packet of tissues that I put in place last time, the smell of fresh pages hits my face as soon as the book is open.
The last chapter.
The end is close and as much as I want to know what happens, I don’t want the journey to end. I have practically lived and breathed this story for days and soon the story will end.
The last page.
I grip onto every last word, until there is no more words to hold on to. The final word hangs on my lips for a few seconds, I take one last sniff of the fresh pages and flick through it like a flip book and slam it shut.
Now what?
This little universe has ended and is stuffed onto a dusty shelf waiting to be read another day.
Although this universe has come to an end there is so many more to be discovered.
I hope you liked my insight into book reading and I do hope that many of you go on to discover new and uncharted universes and treat everyone special because someone out there has put so much time and effort in creating it just so you can.
Enjoy life and make the most of all the other stuff!

My book — May 9, 2016

My book

Hello,
I disappeared for a very, very, very long time but I’m back.
I didn’t notice that I have missed this until it just clicked in my head like someone flicked a switch and I logged on and started writing as soon as I could, I have definitely missed writing like this to strangers. I vanished for many reasons work, work and more work, family and I started writing a book.
Let me take you back to what I like to call my ‘epiphany day’.
I was sat on the couch with my mum watching some annoying yet addictive crime drama and a thought popped into my head and I just randomly remembered that in year 10 in high school I starting wring a very short story. Suddenly, I had this urge to write and I virtually flew up stair grabbed my laptop and started to type and that was the begging.
This may sound like a pointless story and you may be sat their thinking where is she going with this but trust me.
So, a few weeks passed and I stared to think (which is very rare!) how fun and exciting would this be to if someone else was doing it with me. This thought sprung to me firstly because I am in the process of reading fan girl (which is a great book and highly recommended) and two of the characters in it write their English essays together and it sound like fun. The second reason was that I feel like I would benefit from someone else’s opinions and thoughts.
The book is about ‘purple love’, this is ‘mania’ when the love you have for somebody is obsessive. A girl starts ‘college’ and meets this boy and you can see where it goes from there. Her obsession grows throughout the book and she gradually pushes away everyone around her until at the end she realises she is the purple love.
My question to you is, would you like to write my book with me? I am not too sure how we would do it but if you are interested please leave a comment.
Enjoy life and make the most of all the other stuff!

Different — January 24, 2016

Different

WP_20160124_010 (2)

Please enjoy this little doodle of mine ^ 🙂

A few weeks ago I got told that I am odd, this did not come as a surprise to me because I’m am well known by my friends and family for being odd, wired and unconventional. I have always know that I am different and do not have the same mind set and many other people my age but I was very confused when this person called me odd as their exact words were ‘what!, you read books voluntarily? that’s just odd’. Until this point I had thought that this was the most normal thing about me but apparently not. I don’t understand how me reading books because I enjoy them is odd, is it not a good thing?

All throughout school you are told that reading is a good thing and you should read as much as you can, however when I do read I get judged and classified as a ‘nerd’. After I was told that I am odd for reading books I have felt self-conscious when reading books in public, looking at books in shops or even just talking about books with my fellow book loving friend (friend-singular I only have one other friend who also likes to read books).I don’t think it is right to judge a person on what they like to do in their spare time whether that be reading, sports, art and many more. Everyone is different and it is wrong to put someone in a group depending on what there interests are.

STOP CLASSIFYING PEOPLE!

Also to the people who are being classified don’t let it stand in you way of doing what you want because it is good to be different if everyone was the same life would be extremely boring!!!!!

I am sure that I am not the only one that has been judged from being different there are so many more examples on much bigger scales. I just thought that if at least one person reads this and changes the way they think or stops caring what other people think then I have done my job. Please feel free to tell me in the comments what your hobbies and interests are I would love to know.

Enjoy life and make the most of all the other stuff!

Never enough time — January 9, 2016

Never enough time

I always find that there is never enough hours in the day to do the things we need to do. Life can be so stressful and especially at the moment as the exam period is about to start. All the way through school you are told to revise in suitable portions every day but, make sure that you have ‘chill time’. well I find that it is not as easy as this, there are so many things to do during a normal day when all that exam revision and work is put on top of that as well then in can get so stressful it can sometimes lead to panic attacks, anxiety or depression (although I think this in more serious cases). To hopefully  help some of you I though it would be useful to give you some tips on how to control your time and what to do to relax.

  1. Make a revision timetable:  

This may sound obvious but not enough people do it ,you can find a blank one on the internet or your teacher may supply you with one if you are at school. Here is one that I found just by typing in to google images ‘revision  timetable’:

Revision-Timetable-Template Using a revision timetable is a great way to manage your time and still give yourself time to do other things whether that be hobbies or other work. I always say I am going to use one but I never stick to it, however this year I have made it my new years resolution to use a revision timetable and stick to them as I know it will held me stay organised and revise properly.

2.Get some sleep

When people stress out they usually start to develop insomnia which is the inability to sleep (I think).this causes drowsiness during the day and also an irregular sleeping pattern, this can make it hard to concentrate on your daily tasks and also you are more prone to napping. You should aim to get at least 6-7 hours of sleep. I usually go to bed at 10:00pm on a week day and set an alarm for 6:30am,6:35am,6:40am,6:45am,6:50am,6:55am and one for 7:00am this is so I have half an hour to wake up and all the alarms between 6:00am and 7:00am to make sure I don’t fall back asleep. This may not work for you or you may be very good at getting out of bed and not need it.

3.Daily goals
Set yourself daily goals every morning or the night before so you have a clear checklist of what you need to do in the day. I also find it helps I you give yourself a reward every time you complete a goal, nothing big just things like if you do the washing up you can watch 10 minuets of TV or eat a piece of cake and you can’t have the reward until you have finished the goal. This is good if you are like me and you have to finish something off once you have started it or it will get on your nerves until you finish it as you are more likely to complete your goals. Make sure you give yourself plenty of time to relax as well also make your goals realistic for the day to help with this give each goal a time limit e.g. 30 minuets to do the washing up.
4. Control your stress
Even if you do not suffer from panic attacks or anxiety it is still go to try and take control of you stress and try and decrease the amount of stress you put yourself under. I find that I stress over things that don’t matter and I usually bottle it up until I end up having a panic attack. To try and stop this when I feel like I’m stressing I stop what I am doing no matter what it is and I just concentrate on my breathing I find it really  helps. For some people this may work some things that might are:
  • Meditation-try to schedule sessions of mediation into your day.
  • Exercise-I also find this helps as when exercising I am not thinking about the things that are making me stressed and it also helps health wise which can boost self-confidence.
  • Keep positive -Try to not think negatively and keep a positive, realistic attitude.
  • Eat and drink healthy-Drink water in place of pop/fizzy drinks and energy drinks and eat healthy food instead of junk food (this helps especially when revising as some people tend to snack).However some people don’t eat when revising which is not good as you will have low energy levels which makes it harder to concentrate. Eating and drinking healthier will make you feel more fresh and energised during the day making it easier to complete tasks.

I hope this helps you manage your time and lower your stress levels but I am no expert so if I got anything wrong I apologise and please correct me in the comments.

Enjoy life and make the most of all the other stuff!

Season Changes — November 7, 2015

Season Changes

 

 

Around this time of year, seasons and Holidays change form one to another so fast.

Around October 26th everyone was getting ready for Halloween,carving pumpkins,decorating the house,organising parties and planning costumes.It was all everyone was talking about,but as soon at it became the 5th November all Halloween decorations were taken down all parties and costumes were forgotten about.Everything was shoved to the back of a cupboard or put in the loft never to be spoken about again until next year.

Then came bonfire night, out came the fireworks and sparklers,the toffee apples,candyfloss and black peas,the fairground rides for all ages.The colossal bonfire was lit, friends and family’s were thrown about until there heads were spinning and there legs like jelly. Everyone ooood and aarrrd as the fireworks exploded in the ever darkening sky.Once it was all over everyone went to bed and when they woke up the next day it was like it had never happened.

Now all everyone is talking about if CHRISTMAS!!!!!and if they are not talking about Christmas then they are like my dad and wont speak a word of it until December 1st.

But I love Christmas time, I love most holidays but Christmas has to be my favourite time of year everyone seems so much happier even if they say they don’t like Christmas on the 25th December everyone smiles and enjoys the day. I really don’t think that anyone should be sad or lonely on Christmas if I could have it my way I would invite everyone who was sad or lonely on Christmas and invite them to my house and we would all have Christmas dinner together.But the world is not like that I think that this would be impossible as much I want everyone to have an amazing Christmas this won’t happen and it genuinely make me so sad to think that there is going to be so many people on Christmas alone or sad or both.

I hope that you all had a spooky Halloween a safe bonfire night and I hope that all of you have a merry Christmas (even though it is a bit early).

Enjoy life and make the most of all the other stuff.

Its the little thing’s in life — November 1, 2015

Its the little thing’s in life

It’s always the little the that please us, but sometimes they go unnoticed.

have you ever been the person that moves to one side when the pavement isn’t big enough for two people? When the person you moved for doesn’t thank you or even smile it get you annoyed doesn’t it?

just little thing like that could spoil someone’s mood even if it is just for a second.

But if you are thanked or smiled at you feel good even though it is just a little thing it makes you feel good.

Anyway what I’m trying to say is appreciate the little things that people do because they make a difference even if that difference is tiny.

If anyone is reading this please go enjoy life and make the most of all the other stuff.