Rant

“You’re a child you will do as I say.”

Hang on a minuet I wasn’t a child when you were pestering me to get a job or revise for exams, I wasn’t a child when I needed to look after my brother while you were at work, I wasn’t a child when I had to open a bank account or when I had to pay for my own things.

Being a child doesn’t stop and start when you please, I know I am not a child I know I have my responsibilities but, last time I checked I was only a small anxious, self-conscious 16-year-old. Don’t forget that you are a parent and you still have the responsibility to look after me and provide for me. Responsibility doesn’t stop and start when you want it to. When I have panic attacks, it is not because I’m over reacting or making myself stressed, it is something I cannot control they come and go as they please and I try my best not to have them and to keep them suppressed but, how can I with your constant arguing. I am and will never be good enough I am always doing something wrong all I can do is apologise but how can I when every time I speak what I say is wrong. You wonder why I’m so shy with you but my friends say I’m chatty, it’s because I’m scared to say the wrong thing, I’m scared to disappoint you. All I want is for you to be proud of me but how can I when I don’t know how to make you proud. One slip up and I’m back at the bottom.
Work hard, revise and do as you say all year but one bad grade on a test that doesn’t mean anything and I’m back to being a disappointment. I broke my phone and I’m a money waster all I’m good for is spend your money.

 

This is just a rant I had to type up when I was having a panic attack thought I would share it with you guys. I find it helps to get all my thought down in writing, not to sure why but I you suffer from panic attacks then try it out.

Enjoy life and make the most of all the other stuff!

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